Robot Unicorn Attack
by meguro
Summary: A certain gamer starts an obsession with a certain...game.  Unfinished crack.


**Have you ever been addicted to one of the trippiest games on the internet?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Robot Unicorn Attack**

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The only source of light in the room came from a computer monitor, emitting dim, yet flashing colors, which bounced off of the walls.

"Matt?" a blonde called out tentatively, standing at the doorway of the room. After a pause, the blonde approached the computer screen, observing the screen.  
He smirked. "What the fuck...?"  
There was some sort of prancing unicorn with a rainbow mane, flying through the air and landing on purple platforms and ramming into stars. A song played in the background, but Mello could barely hear it. The redhead sitting in front of the computer ignored the comment and continued to rapidly press the 'z' and 'x' buttons on the keyboard. He was also mouthing lyrics, barely whispering the words under his breath.

The blonde raised his eyebrows. "So...Zelda was too much to handle and you had to go back to playing baby games?" He sighed.  
"Matt. It's three in the morning. Go to bed"  
Matt only grunted.  
"What the hell are you even playing?"  
"Robot...unicorn...attack" the redhead said, distracted, as he bit his own bottom lip and lean forward closer to the screen, applying more pressure onto the 'z' and 'x' key.  
The "unicorn" with the rainbow mane was now soaring so fast that it only landed on platforms to "DASH (X)!" into some over-sized stars.  
"Matt, are you fucking serious? This is retarded!"  
But the redhead disregarded this and began to sing the lyrics of the song in the background louder and louder.  
"Hold on...to the nighhht. There will beee noo shameeee! ALWAYS I WANNA BE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HAR-"  
"MATT. SERIOUSLY!"

Mello had to admit, the gamer had a nice singing voice, but it was really time to go to sleep. As he screamed, Matt jumped up in his seat, like he was coming out of some sort of trance. The unicorn fell from the platform. The "third wish" was over.  
Matt hissed a stream of curses as he brought his head down, gloved hands covering his goggled eyes.  
Of course, Matt got like this whenever he lost in a game.

He would sulk and be unresponsive, waiting to have his self-esteem built over again. Mello looked at the screen, where a decapitated robot unicorn lie and scores from each of Matt's three trials were posted. He scored around 50,000 points in each round, making his cumulative score 150,525.  
Mello assumed this was a high score, seeing as his redheaded friend was a first-rate gamer.  
He turned his attention back to Matt, who was still cursing under his breath in his own little world.  
Mello got on his knees to get to the eye level of his sitting friend.  
He pried the redhead's hands away from his head and pulled up the orange goggles.  
"Matt." The gamer did not look him in the eye.  
"Matty Fatty~" The frown grew.  
"Matt you can't let some shitty game control your life. YOU control the game. You can fuck that damn unicorn with those goddamn silver dolphins for all I care. Are you letting some pixels get to you?"  
The gamer crossed his hands across his chest and looked up at the ceiling, sighing.  
"Matt who here has debugged over three-hundred programs in a matter of hours?" No answer.  
"Well...who was it?" Mello asked insistently.  
"Me..." he said quietly, still staring at the ceiling.  
"Who sat for twenty consecutive hours playing like ALL of the Final Fantasy games?" It was all quiet, aside from the stupid song from the game playing in the background.  
"Matt, don't ignore the question."  
"I did"  
"Good. Now who has successfully hacked into EVERY single system I've ever needed to get information from, without leaving a trace?"  
Another sigh. "I did," the redhead answered dully.  
"So you've done all that and you're gonna let some fucking badly designed bullshit game for sissies get to you?"  
He stared at Matt, who finally decided to meet his gaze.  
"I didn't think so, Matt. Now go to sleep."

"Wait. One more time. I have to play. It was my first time. My score is embarrassingly low!"  
"No Matt. Sleep."  
"I wouldn't be able to sleep cause I'd be too busy thinking about how much my score sucks."  
"Then I'll distract you." Mello suggested.  
"I'll be distracted from your distractions by thinking about my score."  
"Then I'll distract you from your distractions from my distractions about your concern."  
"But then I'll be distracted from your distractions from my distractions from your distractions because of my score is THAT distractingly low."  
"MATT."  
"What?"  
"Now the word distraction sounds weird."  
"So you'll let me play again?"  
"No."

Matt ignored Mello, putting his attention to the computer screen. Pressing the 'Z' button, the screen showed a silhouette of a unicorn prancing from the left side of the screen to the right.  
"A fiery death awaits you..." Mello read the bottom of the screen.  
"What the fuck is wrong with these fuckers? They can't even spell awaits right? [a/n: they spell it as 'awates'] You see, Matt. It's not meant to be. So when you get all upset and end up in a fiery death, don't come crying to me."  
"Mhm." Matt was already absorbed in the game, resiliently overcoming the misfortune of his previous game.  
"How do you even win this game?" the blonde asked.  
"You don't." answered the gamer.  
"So what the fuck is the point of it all?"  
"The way I see it...is that either you keep going or get your ass hauled into a fiery death"  
Mello stared at the screen. As the score was increasing, so was the speed of the goddamn unicorn flying. It was sort of...hypnotic to see the robotic animal ramming itself into stars with a stream of rainbowy aura. Soon enough, the unicorn was only stopping to whack stars, otherwise flying through the air. Matt was singing along quietly, though Mello did not catch the moment where he started or how long he'd been singing for.  
Score over fifty thousand at this point, Mello shifted from leg to leg.  
"Mattieeee. When are you gonna die already? Aren't you BORED? The game isn't going anywhere. Just play later."  
Nothing but the song and the sound effects of destructed stars and twinkley unicorns.  
"Matttt. How long can you keep up with this? This game isn't even fun. Am I not as fun as this? With me, you can unlock new levels! The sound effects CHANGE, godammit. If its SPEED you're looking for, I'm sure we can go mighty faster than this stupid shit." He pauses. "Why the hell am I even comparing myself to a game?"  
Mello turned to leave the room, but suddenly heard an explosion coming from the computer; his lips curved into a smile.  
"Fuckfuckfuuuuck" he heard Matt whisper.  
Just as he thought he'd have the chance to get Matt back to himself, he turned back to the computer screen to see that the redhead was at it again.  
Oh right. There were three rounds.

"Hmph." The neglected blonde made his way to the door, he paused before leaving. "I hope you get your unicorn ass hauled into a fiery death"  
"Mhm." a monotonous reply from the gamer.  
And with that, Mello decided to take a shower. Anything was better than staying in that room and being brainwashed by some three year old's rainbow-y idea of euphoria (and fiery death).  
'What's so good about that game anyways?' he thought to himself.  
Once out of the shower, he was back to coy persuasion.  
Okay, maybe not so coy...and maybe not so persuading.  
He stood over Matt's shoulder, wet hair dripping all over the gamer. He was on what apparently seemed to be his first run (again) but his score had shown that he was in the game for quite a while. 59,354,213.  
And quickly increasing. What the FUCK?  
The robot unicorn was now whizzing at a speed that was difficult to follow with his eyes.  
After standing mesmerized by the game, Mello broke the silence, "So...when are you gonna stop?"  
"Can't" Matt said, thrashing the 'z' and 'x' keys.  
"What happens when you send your ass into oblivion?"  
"Can't...happen"  
"Oh, and why is that?" Mello sounded amused.  
"Igottabeatthehighscore" the redhead hitched his breath, barely dodging a pillar of purple and brown doom.  
"And what IS the high score?"  
"201,334,612" His voice was mechanical, spurting the answer.  
"What the fuck?"  
A moment of silence, aside from the background music reassuring that 'there will be no shame'.  
"So if you get sixty-eight million on each run, you'll leave this game the fuck alone?"  
A grunt.  
"Whatever." Mello shrugged, pretending to be passive about the whole situation. Before leaving to get a chocolate bar, he took a look at the gamer's current score. 62,745,329 and increasing.  
A thought occurred to him. The faster he wins the damn game, the faster he'll finally get Matt back to himself.  
'Until he finds a new game to obsess over...' He groaned. And behind him, another groan, accompanied by the sound of an explosion.  
This may or may not take longer than expected.

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**To be continued...probably.**


End file.
